Life isn’t fair. Men get all the breaks. You’ve devoted all of your 20’s to getting your career off the ground. Not that you haven’t been dating…you have, but not seriously. Now here you are…30 something and there is no long term relationship in sight. You can actually hear your biological clock ticking. You have a precious few years to find a man to fall in love with, make him fall in love with you, get married, and have a baby or its lights out. You already know all of the men in your social circle. Not that they aren’t nice guys…some of them…but none of them are your soul mate. What’s a girl to do?

Consider online dating. You have the opportunity to read hundreds of profiles and look at hundreds of pictures in search of that “someone” that will be right for you. Maybe he will live in the same city you do…maybe he will live across the country or even in another country altogether. You aren’t limited to only those men that you come in contact with personally. The possibilities are almost endless.

“Is online dating safe”, you ask. “Aren’t the online dating sites made up entirely of perverts, sexual predators and weirdoes in assorted shapes and sizes?” the answer is, no they aren’t. Not anymore anyway. That was true when online dating first came on the scene but now it is mainstream. It’s as safe as you make it using common sense and sound judgment. Use the same caution that you would when meeting any stranger. Don’t give your real name, address or phone number until you feel safe doing so. Don’t rush into a face-to-face meeting until you are confident and then make the first meeting in a public place and during daylight hours. Give it a try…Mr. Right might be a few mouse clicks away.

We hear stories over drinks, mothers text us anecdotes from their bank teller, we read them in the New York Times. A woman went on her very first Tinder date and met her husband. She was just out of a relationship, timid about online dating, but her friends said, “just go for it!” so she did. I think I speak for the single female population over the age of 30 when I say: This. Fucking. Bullshit.

Obviously I want women, literally all women, to find whatever happiness they desire. But in looking back at 10 — actually almost 11 — full years of online dating apps, countless first dates, a smattering of second dates, and absolutely zero relationships, hearing an instant “success” story makes me crave a large glass of wine, something to punch, and carbs — not necessarily in that order.


I know we all know people who met online. I know we all know people who love to tell us that they know people who met online. Everybody meets online now, right? So what does that say for the pride of us still hunting, still endlessly searching, what are we? No one can tell us, but they can tell us about their best friend’s sister who is so happy now. She’s happy, so you’ll be happy, too. Just keep trying. No matter what happens, no matter if nothing happens, just keep trying. For a decade. Or more.


Marrieds, especially the marrieds who met online, love to use a charming phrase, “it’s a numbers game.” First, thanks. I’m thrilled my pursuit of someone on the other end of the couch can be reduced to a fun puzzle you’d do on an airplane. And second, if it’s a numbers game? Let’s play.

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